yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
