these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
