he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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