I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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