just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize