my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.