This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.