After last night, I could never be a politician.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.