you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.