I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss