You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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