I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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