I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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