I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
