Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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