walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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