How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
