Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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