on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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