I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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