I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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