Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
