I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
