She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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