She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
