I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
