stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize