Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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