operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
