yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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