She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
