you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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