I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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