he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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