I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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