Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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