My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
