i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
