Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize