i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
