Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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