is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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