I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize