Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.