Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
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I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories