You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
