I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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