Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
