You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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