Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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