And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
