She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
