it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
