it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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