Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
