This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
