it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
