Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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