She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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