After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
