forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
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I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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