apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
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We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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