obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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